Survey

Directions:

Listed below are 10 basic skills/attributes needed to establish a satisfying, loving relationship.
Read each one carefully and rate yourself honestly by choosing one of the numbers.
1. Accountability*
I recognize my thoughts, words, actions, and feelings as my own. I show this in statements that begin with “I.” For example, “I think...,” “I feel...,” “I like...,” rather than “You should...,” “You make me feel...,” “You never give me....”
2. Honesty*
I share what I think and feel about situations, even if there is potential for conflict. I share my thoughts and feelings in a kind, respectful way, consciously aware of my facial expression, tone of voice, and body posture.
3. Self-disclosure or Vulnerability*
I openly express my innermost thoughts, feelings, and fantasies. I talk about my strengths and weaknesses, even if it is uncomfortable for me to do so. I let my partner know what is really happening with me.
4. Listening*
I listen carefully when my partner is talking. I focus my attention on my partner and what he/she is saying. I listen to the words and feelings. I ask for clarification to ensure I understand. I suspend my judgements. I don’t interrupt.
5. Respect*
I show my partner respect at all times. I treat him/her with care and dignity, whether I agree or not. I treat him/her as an equal and valuable human being.
6. Authenticity*
I appreciate my partner for his/her unique thoughts, feelings, and attitudes. I accept our differences without trying to change my partner to my way. I see our differences as opportunities for us to be better together – as a team.
7. Support*
I support my partner because I want him/her to succeed, in however he/she defines success. I ask my partner questions to learn how I can support in different situations. I always follow through on what is requested, when I am physically, mentally, and emotionally able. If I am not able to follow through, I share this honestly and openly.
8. Play*
I consciously and consistently create fun, excitement, spontaneity, and joy in our relationship.
9. Romance/Sexual Intimacy*
I honestly and openly share my feelings and desires about our level of romantic behaviour. I ask my partner for direction about how I can please him/her, and I am willing to share what arouses me, even if it is uncomfortable to do so.
10. Forgiveness*
I easily forgive. This does not mean forgetting. It does mean accepting and learning from my past mistakes to enable me to live in the “now.” Forgiveness is about me letting-go of the past and moving forward. I understand that ultimately, forgiveness is only about forgiving myself.
Add your ratings for a grand total:
Based on the questionnaire, we invite you to list any insights, thoughts, feelings, or “best steps” you have identified.
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Dan & Carol Ohler

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