Valentine’s Day, every February 14, is a day to celebrate Love and affection.
Why do we need a day designated for that? That’s ludicrous, don’t you think?
The greeting card companies love it. The candy companies love it. Flower shops love it. Fancy restaurants love it. Many of them rake in millions of dollars every year.
Why don’t I love it? Because I don’t rake in millions of dollars – just kidding!
The reason I’m not fond of Valentine’s Day is because I believe Love is something to be celebrated every day. Medical experts, psychiatrists, psychologists, and sociologists know that Love is required for us to survive. It is a basic human need and overlays every level of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
We have a natural propensity to give and receive love – not once a year, but every moment (yes, even while sleeping). Love is easy, doesn’t cost anything, is organic, salt-free, sugar-free, fat-free, gluten-free, it feels good, and its even good for you.
BUT… based on the dialogue we have with most of our couples coaching clients, they tend to make Love hard, inconvenient, and complex. These are couples who are aware of what is going on and have taken the courageous step to ask for support. Most couples in society don’t do that – they either continue to suffer or bail out.
So, for Valentine’s Day this year, let’s commit to being nice to our partners – for the entire day – to give Love with no strings attached. I’m going to do it.
Are you ready for a challenge?
Gary Chapman wrote a popular book called The 5 Love Languages. Let’s briefly explore each Love Language and what it means. Then I double-dog dare you to take your best guess at your partner’s primary love language and act on it. It is important that the act is done based on your partner’s language, not your own. This might seem uncomfortable at first, but you’ll get into it when you experience the results.
Receiving Gifts
A person with this Love Language really enjoys it when their partner gives them gifts. The significant component is not so much the gift as it is the thought and intention behind the gift, and the mode of delivery. The gift can be large or small. It must be meaningful, not necessarily to you, but to them.
Just Be Nice!!
Acts of Service
A person with this Love Language wants things to be done for them. The act must be completed joyfully and willingly, rather than out of duty or with resentment. Do something that takes a load off them, or allows them to feel some relief from their current state.
How can you learn what to do? Ask them, listen and clarify, then follow through. This follow through is a huge trust-builder.
Just Be Nice!!
Physical Touch
A person with this Love Language wants to be physically close. They like gentle touches, caresses, kisses and hugs. Make a point to sit next to them, put your hand on their knee, touch your foot to theirs. Offer a massage. Ask them what they want and give it to them unconditionally. Gentleness and kindness are a “must.”
Just Be Nice!!
Words of Affirmation
A person with this Love Language wants to know you appreciate them for who they are. They want to be your hero, your champion. Look for, and acknowledge them for their strengths, talents, physical looks, knowledge, accomplishments, and leadership abilities. They want to hear the words, with an appreciative tone of voice, and a body posture that shows you are genuine.
Just Be Nice!!
Quality Time
A person with this Love Language wants you to be with them, and for it to be high-quality time. In other words, turn off your device, shut off the TV, and be “present” with them and for them. Do fun activities you both enjoy, initiate meaningful conversations, smile, and maintain a positive attitude no matter what.
Just Be Nice!!
Valentine’s Day is a perfect opportunity for you to act on this. And since it will be so fun and easy, you might even consider doing this every day.
You may be good at using these Love Languages already. If that’s the case, I invite you to Think Outside The Barn and act on your partner’s Love Language in a way that will be even more special, meaningful, and real – above and beyond what you normally do.
The second challenge for you?
After Valentine’s Day, I invite you to send me a comment, an email, or call me to share what you did and the results you experienced.
Just Be Nice!!
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